I want to preface this message that if you or your children are in danger, you need to remove yourself from your current situation. I'm not sure exactly what that means for you, but I want you to know that, in no way, am I encouraging you to sit still while you and/or your family members are not safe. Find a reputable Christian counselor and seek help.
Okay...so your marriage is not in a good place. Maybe it's in the worst place it's ever been. Maybe things are just starting to go sour. Maybe it's on its deathbed like ours was.
Today, you may be asking --- What do I do?
That's probably why you're reading this. This lady's marriage got better. She probably can't help....but there's a chance. You're looking for hope anywhere you can find it.
Most likely you've been trying to think of what you can change or how you're so done trying and I get it. It's exhausting to try and try and try to fix things, but to no avail, frustrated because you see little to no change in your marriage. Often, the things we fix are usually temporary fixes...like a new year's resolution. You'll never be pretty enough (even when you are), have enough sex, contribute enough financially, keep the house clean enough, be a good enough mom, be a good enough friend. Those things are all fine and good and even if you ARE the best in one or more of those areas, it won't be enough. They won't help for long and won't save your marriage. There has to be a way not to have to strive for perfection and for your marriage to be beautiful...something looking somewhat like the loving relationship that you had imagined when you said "I do."
There has to be a way to make it.
That way is Jesus.
I'm going to tell you what you need to do for your marriage.
Focus on your relationship with Jesus.
--- If you don't have one, skip down to the bottom of the post and I'll tell you how you CAN have one. ---
Turn to Him. Find out how He can satisfy your soul if you truly lean into Him.
The closer you draw into Him, the closer He will draw into you. He says so in James 4:8.
Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
The God of ALL will draw near to you. He will keep you and begin to pour Himself out onto you.
If you are a Christ follower and you've been doing this, stay close. Keep on.
That He will pout Himself out onto you doesn't mean that your life will be perfect, that everything will start going your way, or even that your marriage will get better, but the things of the world fade when God is near, when you begin to see life through His lens.
I know that you're probably either hurting, embittered, or just straight up angry...and very possibly for good reason. I know how much I was hurting when my husband left and while he was gone...and even after he came back, there was pain and anger from the wounds inflicted through his actions, but God was so close and changed my heart in ways that are impossible.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."
One day, He will lift us up forever, but today, as He fills you up, His love and grace and peace and kindness will overflow from your cup. As He is filling you up with those perfect things, they are then able to flow out of you and pour out onto those around you. Your husband, no matter what he's done, what he's doing, or what he will do, should be a recipient of that kind of love...NOT because he deserves it.
Lean in and listen real close though, because this is the thing about the gospel. You...we....I...don't deserve that kind of love from Christ. If you have experienced His salvation, His forgiveness, His mercy, His presence, you have experienced a love called "Agape" love. It is a love that is given fully and without condition and without limit. It is not only a love felt, but a love in action. As we are given that love from Jesus, He calls us to give that love to others.
Jesus will change you. Until you submit your life and your every moment to Him, the quick fixes and hope-filled changes will be temporary. Stop striving and lean into the One who is able to do far more abudantly than all that we ask or think.
That has to be the first thing. HE has to be the first thing...and He'll be the BEST thing.
More to come on what to do next....
The name of Jesus has offended you or has left a bad taste in your mouth because of someone you've known who claimed to follow Him, but didn't act like it. Christians are sinners who have to repent when the sin, imperfect people relying on His perfect grace.
Maybe you just think it's crazy to believe in someone we can't see. It's called walking by faith and not by sight and even after He gives it to you, it's hard to have...until you see Him work in your heart and life...over and over and over. Faith becomes a little easier to have all the time.
Or...maybe you've just never heard the gospel message. I'm gonna share with you now...
Jesus humbled Himself and came to earth as a baby. The One we call King came as a baby...the most vulnerable way to come to earth. He lived a perfect life, impossible as a human except for the fact that He is God. He laid down His life and took the punishment for all of those who would follow Him in the future.
To follow Him, you have to lay down your own life and give it to Him. Repent of sin and from your old way of life and choose to accept His gift of salvation. That's it. While He calls us to walk in His ways, obeying His word is what He desires for you because "the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul." But this isn't what saves you. HE did the saving when He died for you...FOR YOU. He exchanged His perfect life for your sin so that YOU can live! It's the best gift to know Him.
If you are even curious, read the 4 Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John:)
Let me know if you have any questions!!